Over the past few months, I’ve experienced writer’s block on a whole new level. It’s not that I don’t know what to write about… It’s the lies that fill my head as soon as I come up with a topic to discuss or experience to share. Someone might disagree and not like me anymore. This might offend a good friend. This will “trigger” someone and they’ll be upset with me.
These lies are so overwhelming, my routine has been to sit at my laptop, type and re-type the intro paragraph and eventually slam my computer shut, feeling like a failure.
Listening to the lies can change you
That’s not the woman who started this blog! The woman who started this blog felt God calling her to do this and felt empowered with each post. She promised to share her experiences in hopes other women going through similar things might be able to relate and feel a little less isolated. She promised to be authentic and provide a place where women can find community and understand they are not alone!
Where did that woman go? She’s still here, but she let fear over take her. She bought the lies that she has spent so much of her time over the last few years trying to shut out. Well today, I found her and brought her back! God was able to speak through a sermon and remind Jessi that if people don’t agree, they don’t need to read this blog. There are millions of blogs out there, something for everyone.
Fail Gracefully
My words for the year: fail gracefully. As I was overcome with fear and writer’s block again this morning, I noticed my bracelet. “Fail Gracefully”. On the back, the verse “Psalm 73:26” is inscribed.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26
This year, my focus is to be ok not being “perfect”. In order to do so, I must take some risks. And I will probably fail (first word). Here’s the other part: I’m a sore loser. Failing or not being “perfect” is like losing for more. So when I miss the mark, I’m usually sore and definitely not graceful (second word).
But I’m tired of living this life. Especially what this defect has done to me as a blogger. I’m not going to change the world with this blog, but I may help one woman feel less alone. And if I do that, then I’ve succeed. Since this idea was God-given, He definitely needs to have more say than all the evil that I’ve allowed to run the show lately.
Truth Overpowers the Lies
It seems like so much has changed. I was thinking last week, Man, God used to just give me all kinds of ideas of what to write about. I’m just not getting it anymore. Or so I thought. However, the inspiration hasn’t stopped, the fear has just become so much louder. Inspiration comes and is immediately clouded with all the lies. The lies I’ve struggled with since I was a child of just wanting to be liked or accepted. And if I say the wrong thing in a blog post, I might lose a friend. Wow. Letting that hit air makes me laugh. As a good friend told me about a year ago, “Jessi, we’ve known you for two years. We’re still here.” This was a male friend, so of course his words were few, but I really needed to hear that. Like, I still get teary thinking about that.
I know I’m not the only one who struggles with fear. We all have it. But what is it stopping you from doing or saying? My hope is that you have friends who love you through the differences, who will encourage you when you feel inadequate. Don’t let the fear and lies hold you back. Let’s not quit! We won’t do life perfectly, nor should we try. We may say or do things that others disagree with and that’s ok, as long as we don’t let fear win. At the end of the day, not everyone will like us or agree with us, and that is just fine. Because at the end of the day, I’m still me and you are still you!
