Marriage Monday: Grill & Chat

What to do…

Since we are participating in a book study with our Lifegroup’s on Wednesdays, so we knew we needed to review our questions. We opted for a night in, grill out and discussion. We’d picked up some bacon wrapped pork tenderloins at the grocery store yesterday so we threw those on the grill. I chopped up some potatoes and green beans, doused them in ghee and added them to the grill too.

As we patiently waited for dinner to cook, we chatted about our day. This is always the tough part for us — I talk to much, Seth doesn’t always open up a ton. I have learned that I need to ask about his day and then wait and give him time to share.

Struggles & Solutions

Seth tells me he’s like a diesel engine. He needs time to warm up. It’s common for me to ask him a question, wait 20 seconds and immediately move into my stuff because he doesn’t respond. It really isn’t helpful. He doesn’t feel like I’m listening and my actions show that my question was not sincere, rather just a nicety I’m “supposed to say” at the end of each day. I’ve been working on waiting. It’s excruciating!! But when I do this, and do this right, he’ll start to share little bits of his day. And when I keep waiting and listening, he shares even more! It’s a beautiful thing. Almost like a scared little bunny you have to coax out of its shell. (I’m sure he’d love to hear me describe him like this…)

I really do love learning about his job and how his day goes. The funny thing is, Seth is actually a talker once you get him to open up! I succeeded this evening and I heard all about the coop life! I’m glad he’ll share these things with me, rather than just say his day was “Fine”; it’s just a constant battle for me to shut up and listen, and then, when he does share, to stay engaged while he’s talking and not multi-tasking.

Something I’ve learned is that, even though I feel like I’m a good listener while arranging my schedule, cleaning the kitchen, picking up the living room, in actually I’m not. Seth has taught me that when I’m attempting to “multi-task”, I’m not helping him feel loved. So, tonight, I sat and listened and work on really hearing him. Because I’ve been practicing this for a while, I’ve learned a lot about farming, a ton about “how farmers are” and a great deal about this amazing man I married.

Our Monday Adventure: Grill Out

So as we ate our Whole30 dinner and I learned about coop life. I shared a little about my day too. We sat out on our back patio and enjoyed a cool breeze on the hot night. After dinner, we moved to the lower deck and sat in our comfy rockers to go through our discussion questions. As we rocked, we thought and talked and laughed. It was a tough topic — The Essence of Marriage — some of the questions brought up things from our past. Something that isn’t always easy for people with histories like ours, but I love how we’ve handled these things and we continued to share in a helpful ways, rather than harm.

Once we finished the questions, we move inside for one quick episode of The Mindy Project and cuddles on the couch. It really was a perfect evening; nothing spectacular, but just enough. I need to be reminded as much as possible that I like this man I married. I always know I love him, but with the daily life, it’s easy to forget: Oh yeah, that’s why I picked this guy to do life with…